Gallery The hills are alive with the sound of turnips. When all else fails, keep partying! Sing when you’re whinnying? I accidentally double-dipped my chest… Nessie tells me her flat Earth theory; I am sceptical… Fluffy the snake and I got on really well. Prancing around rock pools at Dunbar… Worship me, muthafuckaz This pool has spent about 80 years getting smashed to bollocks by the North Sea. They’re great when you first put them on, but then they wrinkle. And they never stop squeaking. I think this captures the *moment* the guy on the left has figured me out… 🙂 (Dress by Psychomoda; photo by Reverine Photography.) Stiletto heels and cobbles are not a good mix. Three colourful Edinburgh icons. (Fuck you; I’m an icon! In my head.) I love this dress; it’s stylish, classic and almost-but-not-quite too short… Sitting on the Iron Throne for more than an hour at a time is not recommended… I colour co-ordinate with nature. Muthafuckaz. The loch didn’t make me cold; I heated it up. Physics, I defy you! A water treatment plant. The smile is forced. Don’t need Dan Brown to figure out this imagery… Because I’m classy that way. How short is that skirt?! …just short enough. In which I do my physical dance mime theatre interpretation of a tree. …because bunnies are renowned for… uh, laying eggs… Holy …! Posing with a posie These massive purple books at Alnwick Castle co-ordinate well with my clothes. Golf is a good walk spoiled. I’m just amazed I could squeeze into this sucker. The classic ‘call down lightning from the heavens’ pose. (Skirt by Psychomoda.) The new castle in Newcastle looks quite old… I have precisely zero singing ability. They repair stiletto heels here too. Wearing a PVC catsuit on the hottest day of the year results in a waterfall when you take it off… Bringing a whole new meaning to the idea of ‘playing with myself’… (You’d probably keep your door locked shut too…) Turning over a new leaf? Sea. This. Rocks. Thought this was a derelict windmill at first… Got to add some colour to the place! Scottish weather is reliably dismal. Another dress that requires me to suck in my stomach… Action heroines always seem to end up mucking around industrial waste grounds… The hills are alive with the sound of …transvestites. You can tell we’re living in the future because we can wear clothes that light up… I live in a city with a multitude of creepy, overgrown graveyards. This is where princes and princesses learn stuff and shiz… On any road trip, stretch your legs once in a while… There is nowhere to hide in a dress this tight… Because clothes that light up are awesome. *Dress by Psychomoda Pro tip: sunrise in the summer is the best time to get photos of Edinburgh Castle. Inspired by the Greek myth of Andromeda. And bondage. Posing like this, instead of concentrating on the table, is why I tend lose snooker… “We’re not flying; we’re falling with style!” The ‘Bonnet Stone’ is kinda groovy… Smoke machines, funky lighting and a projector can make anything look epic… Presented without comment… 😉 If philosopher David Hume knew people would rub the toe of his statue for luck, he’d turn in his grave… Arty-farty photoshopping based on some epic concept art I saw a while back. As emcee, I completely fail at surreptitiously checking the time on my phone… It’s not easy being green. Especially with red eye. Warrior princesses must make time to check their nails. Dundee’s newest, and second, attraction… Early morning at a quiet little harbour… If you get up early enough, you can have a summer beach all to yourself… Minimal photoshopping required… Yee-haw, y’all! Fucking freezing. Wanted posters were always phrased a little ambiguously… If you ever get the chance to do this, take it! Time to cool my jets? Pew! Pew! This Easter Egg was gone in sixty seconds… Three-point landings make anything seem epic. The Hogwarts sorting hat couldn’t decide about me… Sunrise is a time to reflect… Stirling stuff, this… (NB, this is combined from two photos to get me and the castle in focus.) This is more uncomfortable than it looks… Sand gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE. *(photoshopped) The Trossachs in March: snowy enough to be pretty, but not so snowy I can’t drive there… I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating, and it gets everywhere… For swingers? I dress like this every morning. And so should you. What should a cross-dresser do with their sack? I wanted to find an exercise that would lift everything. EVERYTHING. This blog allows me to reflect on things. Dress by Psychomoda. I can put on a show from time to time… This pool was ancient, decrepit, manky, and full of sea critters. The smile is fake. French tart or criminal mastermind? You decide! Spring in my step? I don’t actually work out; I just like wearing lycra… 😛 My home town has some great scenery… Buffy mucking about in the cemetery undergrowth… This is me trying to smile despite all the early-morning water beasties skittering over my toes. I have no idea what the numbers on CCG cards mean… I’m a good-weather kinda gal. Shot my bolt? My eyes are up here… TRONsvestite on the run… Man, that’s some good hayfever I can pretend to be serene! Spreading happiness, good cheer, chocolate, and myxomatosis… Creature of the night? See Edinburgh Castle from Castle Street. (No idea how it got that name.) Managed to catch the only 10 minutes of sunshine! Work of art! And so’s that shit behind me. That’s a map of the Pentland Hills. I’m in Lomond Hills. No wonder I’m lost. If modelling involves putting on a look of studied indifference, then …I’m still practising… The only spot on Dumbarton Rock without wind… This is actually right outside a hotel’s breakfast room… If I move away, the pillar falls over. People pass by without batting an eyelid… when you’re out trying to give them flyers. I’m a summertime kinda gal… I have a fertile imagination 😉 HELLO? YEAH, I’M AT LOCH NESS. IT’S VERY WINDY. NO, I SAID WINDY. AT LOCH NESS. HELLO? HELLO? FUCK IT, HERE’S SOME CLEAVAGE. I’M GOING NOW. Dumbarton rocks! …oh, wait, I’m not supposed to do that, am I? I was so hungry I started eating my clothes from the other end. Yeah, maybe went a bit overboard in Photoshop here… …until the next time… Charmed, I’m sure… Whatever you do in life, feel epic doing it. Of course it’s not a natural pose – not with that smile, anyway… Where the hell am I? This tiny fishing village was a location in the Avengers films… Fluffy the snake was a gentleman. (At least, until he decided to plunge his head between my tits… oh, wait…) *Dress by Psychomoda Hey, tits! I’m not a twitcher, though. Can’t jiggle at all, truth be told… I try to catch lightning in that bottle… It’s not worth looking for hidden symbology in this photo… It took about three years to realise this skirt had pockets; this captures the moment. Sorting out my hair, because that’s what people will be looking at first… right? This is the look you want when listening to 80’s power ballads. Shit! I’m late for my bus! Fancy visiting The Pends? It Depends. This is an attention-getting little number… Is that a sword in your scabbard or are you just pleased to see me? Action transvestite: running, jumping, climbing trees… I’m blue dab-a-dee Aberdour, dab-a-dee Aberdour… When in doubt, add lens flares. Yes, it was bloody freezing when I took this photo. …because cross-dressing is an adventure (sometimes). (…this is actually a library fire exit!) This pose comes courtesy of my left foot sinking ankle-deep in wet sand. In which I speak brainily to Newcastle Skeptics about cross-dressing… I told him I don’t give Noss on a first date. He gave me a stony look. (There was no second date.) In which I rush to save a jellyfish from drowning. For the sake of glamour, let’s pretend this was taken somewhere warm and tropical… I do cover up from time to time (but only if it’s appropriate…) Shiny – let’s be bad guys. …or Princess of Power? You decide! All aboard the Twist train? Heroic music swells. So does my chest. Pause and reflect for a bit? Dainty, isn’t it? (The village, I mean…) I was hungry, all right?! Been seen to lean by a keen teen in jeans means I’m unclean? Nothing phallic about that tank at all. No, sirree. Going for that sporty look… in the middle of nowhere. If only boarding queues were as short as the dress… Stone circle or stargate? You decide! You have to cock it before use. (The gun, I mean.) Airport security screens out makeup, perfume, and other toiletries. Just what kind of terrorists are they looking for? Photo by Reverine Photography; dress by Psychomoda. “Is a 1955 departure the 24-hour clock, or the year?” Inspired by the Divine Presence, or yawning? You decide!* *(yawning.) Say it with flowers… I went batshit with a purple filter here. In which I dominate this funky red couch. Spin on it? The movie version of this will be a sleeper hit. The game version will be a rail shooter. Sunrise tomb-raiding; the lens flare is real, btw. Slender, graceful, modern… I love wind farms. You get used to cobbles. Eventually. After coming out, go out! Do I look cold? I felt cold. Pink and purple? My eyes!!! Photo by Duncan Holmes Photography; dress by Psychomoda. Photo by Duncan Holmes Photography; dress by Psychomoda. It’s like a Herbal Essences advert gone wrong. I’m a long way from home here… Uh, just realised there’s a boat with ‘KY’ right next to my backside; you shouldn’t read anything into this. Utterly bladdered; newt-like; pissed up on booze. If it wasn’t for the umbrella, I’d be on my face. Shy crossdresser? Try hillwalking! Contrived? Set up? Whatever could you mean? I have a great sense of stile. Steampunked We drove all the way to Inversnaid waterfall to do a photoshoot, only to find it had been barricaded… Shiny dress; groovy shadow – I guess I’m a 60’s chick at heart? You have to be very rich to own a mansion you can paint the colour of Irn Bru… This was taken at 2am in October/November and it was FREEZING. Nothing like a topical reference from the past to date your old photos… I live in a city with quaint villages right in the middle of it… On yr rocks, checkin out yr rockpoolz… This is how I exercise at the weekend. How about you? Once you get over the fear of being seen in public, you might start craving the attention… (Dress by Psychomoda.) Sometimes you need sunshine to sparkle properly… Early bird… No idea why I struck this pose, but it’s different. I much prefer speaking without a mic… The loch didn’t cool me down; I warmed it up. About to get west and wild… Scottish summertime… This wind farm is the future! And it annoys Donald Trump! What’s not to like? Och, hills! Ochil Hills! Och! October is a time of grave concern… If you want to pretend to be epic, find an epic location. It was like that when I got there… I bet that gull had a great view. I’m amazed I could squeeze into this dress… *dress from Psychomoda Didn’t feel a thing. In local vernacular, “Wha daur meddle wi’ me?!” I colour-match the Scottish border. That’s actually Red Bull in the glass. Je m’appell Madame Torsion; ivre avant le lever su soleil, moi? Mais oui! Skirt by Psychomoda Second later, I Marilyn Monroe’d the rest of the loch… Trying very hard not to fall backwards into the sea… I’m so bad at snooker, I can’t even hold the cue properly… It’s a bit windy up here… Anywhere can look exotic if you get the right angle… Cloak and dagger. The dagger may or may not be a euphmism for something. Got wood? *Dress by Psychomoda All I need is a Jaguar E-type and my image is set… Brace yourselves; Twist is coming. (You’ll know when I come…) The balls are hidden. …oh, what? Footsore from high heels? Find something to lean on… You just stick your thumb and and hitch a ride – that’s how trains work, isn’t it? *dress from Psychomoda Cross-dressed Laserquest gets a bit warm… Four-inch heels are completely impractical for being a cartoon secret agent… I don’t always hang around on street corners, but when I do… Out in the Scottish countryside… I extend my pinkie because I’m evil. Kelpie statue or borg architecture? Epic lighting all caught in camera… Like Lara Croft, I have unfeasibly large bosoms, I am constantly looking for keys, and I am pretty much uncontrollable. The 80s were… a different time. Photo by Duncan Holmes Photography; dress by Psychomoda. I tried laughing therapy with a distraught girl. It didn’t work. (Doesn’t matter – had a good laugh anyway.) You can swim in it too… *Heroic music swells* *like my chest* Photo by Reverine Photography; dress by Psychomoda. I have mastered the single entendre If Einstein can do photos sticking out his tongue, so can I. Twist on tha toon… Looks like the warrior princess is a bit of a worrier too… This is a space I invaded… Some people live in great-looking little houses. Photo by Reverine Photography; dress by Psychomoda. If you need an engineering pin-up model, clearly I’m your girl… Pretty, thin, and graceful: that bridge is everything I aspire to be. (Apart from the bit about traffic running over me, obviously…) Everything about this picture says “Scottish cross-dresser”. Reasons to be cheerful? The lightsabers are called ‘Woody’ and ‘Buzz’. Because Disney. This is a folly. (I mean, the incomplete neo-hellenic temple in the background…) Smells like Twist spirit? Me with an impressive erection. …what?! It’s not *mine*! Jesus, you people. It’s named after a guy called… *checks notes* …Willy. …in which I pretend to be clever… Purple and green make a weird mix in pre-dawn light… Three-point-landings make everything epic. Especially in heels. Well… I’m here… Three seconds later in a gust of wind, I Marilyn Monroe’d everyone in the roof garden. This was a triumph… Everyone should dress like this before sunrise. In which I bring a touch of Rocky Horror to Hogwarts… This was a friend’s photoshop challenge: multiple Twists playing Twister. My body is a temple; it’s open on Sundays OH SHIT I DID NOT SAY THAT I bought myself a reward for the end of my road trip… Cheerleader Buffy doing a 3-point-landing in a graveyard. I don’t know how much more epic I can be for you people. Despite appearances, this isn’t a nuclear reactor; it’s a water treatment facility… Cue the blistering electric cello solo… Through the castle door in Transexual Transylvaniaaaaa… Pretending to be epic… peekaboo! Yet another windy day… Let’s see you try holding this pose… Imagine… Damn, I love these shiny leggings… Home! (It’s rather windy…) Bringing a bit of colour to…. uh, never mind. Happy chocolate egg day! Vintage dress, vintage plane; both are a bit cramped for space… Sticking out my tongue at cameras was… uh, *is* a phase I’m going through. I live near some epic architecture… Pretending to be awestruck by a fluorescent light… I thought the flowers on the dress would be good camouflage. Tarlair Lido has seen better days… Boldly going forwards ’cause we can’t find reverse… There can be only one! (Skirt by Psychomoda.) Lighthouses warn off ships. I do my best to attract them. The ships ended up going in circles. I’d never make it in a team. Expressing an early desire to do cheesy secret agent poses. Or something. Inspired by Tina Fey in Esquire: payload.cargocollective.com/1/3/108617/1413003/esquire_15_1000.jpg …when the revolution comes… You’ll notice I’m kneeling in a paddling pool; there’s no way I was jumping into the one behind me. My tits are fake, but they don’t jiggle like Pamela’s did… Rise and shiny? Some days you get lucky with the view… (Waves hello) Nothing like a stroll in the park to get you going… Things to do on a summer holiday… On a twisting stair… I’m amazed my makeup survived the winter gardens… Well, shoot! Going a bit nuts with the photoshop there… Get your rocks off… Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:Like Loading...