Girly road trip: Scotland’s tropics, epic pics

Last summer I stopped by the set of Indiana Jones and went to the southernmost point of Scotland. And, yes, changed my dress along the way for the sake of variety.

Glasgow city centre had been remade as New York in 1969(?), so I plumped for my short, retro minidress. It was about 7am on a Sunday morning, and I managed to sweet-talk the bemused and baffled security people into letting me slip past the gates for a couple of minutes to get some shots in – I didn’t chance my luck by walking onto the main set, but I think I did well enough.

This is the face of someone who got up way too early.

I think the guards took it well – I mean, they’re paid a pittance, and they’re not expecting a crossdresser turning up first thing on a Sunday to prance about in heels around their workplace. As for the film, I’m kinda shrugface about seeing it; I’m pretty much done with seeing my childhood heroes return to TV or cinemas looking and acting all old, sad, and tired.

Ailsa Craig: Imagine the screeching of car tyres, me hopping out, a quick photo being taken, then leaping back into the car and driving off with squealing tyres and a roaring engine.

We stopped off for an impromptu shot of the island of Ailsa Craig just off the Ayshire coast before arriving at Logan Botanical Garden on the Mull of Galloway. I gather it’s in some sort of microclimate, and on a good summer’s day resembles the Isles of Scilly rather than Scotland…

This is the front gate…
Hello there!

My dress was rather short. I’d try to pull the hem down a bit, but there’s not actually any more hem to pull down. So I have to walk and pose carefully, lest I flash my knickers at unsuspecting passers-by. Reader, I flashed my knickers at unsuspecting passers-by. And because this was a botanic garden in the middle of nowhere on a Sunday, the others were all pensioners: goggle-eyed old men and their disapproving wives ushering them away from the brazen hussy in the slutty dress (“This way, Gerald! It’s more civilised over here!”)

Left: this is what I look like when I’m chasing Jeff Goldblum in a jeep. Right: FILTH, sheer filth, and I’d do it again.

The gardens featured a few novelties, like a tyrannosaurus made out of growing tree branches, and large phallic-shaped flowers that were begging for suggestive photos. I have to say, photos aside, that it was the perfect day to visit and I’d go there again – it’s got all the tropical appeal of a foreign holiday, yet it’s all within a morning’s drive from Edinburgh…

Got wood?
I see London, I see France…

Just a little bit further south (and one change of dress later) is the Mull of Galloway lighthouse, the southernmost tip of the Scottish mainland. It’s characterised by steep cliffs and a touristy cafe which might have steep prices, but I can’t honestly tell you (for these trips we bring picnic lunches…).

I’ve got this thing about great heights and steep drops: it’s not vertigo, it’s more a sense that I love the view but a fucked-up little voice in my head keeps saying “jump… just jump.. do it… wheee! end it…. splat.. go on… jump…” and I find myself staying well away from the edge.

My other worry was gusts of wind threatening to make my dress lift up and make me Marilyn Monroe in front of everyone else.

Just the tip: the Mull of Galloway

Otherwise, it’s not a place you’re likely to spend a huge amount of time. We headed back up to Castle Kennedy, a ruin with fabulous gardens. Fabulous gardens you say? Time to strike some fabulous poses and ignore the families on their day out from Glasgow…


There’s a lot to explore in the estate: colourful walled gardens, a lake, art features, bridges and walking paths all over the place. We could stroll about at a gentle pace. It wasn’t hugely busy, and it made for a relaxing end to the day out. (The journey home was enlivened by a prick in a sports car being chased by the police along the M74 and pulled over – seeing that kind of quick karma was the cherry on the cake of a great day out!)

Adding a bit of colour
Fucking roasting
Wish you were here?

7 thoughts on “Girly road trip: Scotland’s tropics, epic pics

  1. Sue Richmond says:

    Sounds like a fantastic day out with great weather too.

    Beautiful locations. The one that appealed to me most, oddly enough, was the Ailsa Crag as my local pub in London was called the Ailsa (after the Marquess of, a Victorian gerrymanderer).

    You have fabulous legs, Miss. Look after those (and they’ll carry you through life!)

    Sue xx

    • Miss Twist says:

      Thanks Sue! It’s amazing how you discover all these out-of-the-way places that nobody else has apparently heard of before. I can see myself returning to Logan Botanics again!

  2. Lynn Jones says:

    Sounds like you had a packed and busy day. Some amazing photos and hopefully Gerald is now fully recovered. πŸ˜‰

    Is there a market for near invisible weighted beads to prevent the Monroe risks? πŸ™‚

    • Miss Twist says:

      Now there’s a design challenge for an art school project: design a skirt or dress that’s short enough to show off a bit of leg, but not so light that it blows upwards in a breeze…

      As for Gerald, I like to think his wife still brings it up when they have dinner guests over, and he can only meekly sit there saying “I don’t remember, I was looking at the plants”…

      • Lynn Jones says:

        I can’t wait to see that on Dragons Den πŸ™‚

        β€œI don’t remember, I was looking at the plants” 😁

        Look well if you’ve cracked his egg and activated the dark trans witchery that lay dormant within Gerald πŸ˜‰

  3. jjjjohanne says:

    I want to visit Scotland one day. If for no other reason, to learn how to speak so awesomely! I could use some outside right now. All I do is work and watch TV, it seems…..

    Congratulations on having such a happy outing.

    I doubt I would be bold enough to wear something so shiny, but I’ll ask anyway. What brand are your tights? While you’re at it, where did you find those shoes?


    • Miss Twist says:

      Hi Joey! And thank you! πŸ˜€

      I can’t quite remember where I got the tights – I have a funny feeling it was some cheap-ass brand I found in a semi-drunken browse through Amazon, which took a few weeks to turn up from China…

      As for the shoes, I think I got the heels in a cheap supermarket (possibly even a charity shop – Edinburgh’s blessed with an abundance), and the flats were either another cheap’n’nasty online purchase or, again, from a cheap supermarket. For these things I tend to opt for practicality over flashiness (and save my pennies for when I really hope it’s worth it!).

      I wrote a bit about braving Edinburgh’s charity shops (and the mischievous old ladies who run them) here:

      cheers! πŸ™‚

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